


i know i said my heart beats for you

by flowersforlukey



Series: Blurb [3]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Crying, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 14:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11083914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersforlukey/pseuds/flowersforlukey
Summary: "It makes me feel bad, you know?"I know, Michael wants to say. Luke falls out of love and the only thing Michael might get in return is pity.





	i know i said my heart beats for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello loves! This one shot is vv special to me because basically I am michael in this one *hides away* I hope it's not too sad tho!
> 
> Title is from Blessed With A Curse by bmth.
> 
> Enjoy loves

...

Send.

 _Stupid_ , Michael thinks, locking his phone and throwing it into the cushions across from him. It's only then when he begins shutting his eyes closed and tucking his fists into his hair, pulling hard and wincing at the inevitable pain.

"It makes me feel bad, you know?"

 _I know_ , Michael thinks, hears himself saying it clearly into the crisp air as if Luke was still in front of him and holding his hand in an approximate closeness for the last time, unfortunately. Even the image of the greasy blond hair on his head and the irises that never seemed to have stopped glistening brings such discomfort to Michael, in his head when he comes across his 2am thoughts and maybe even during those seconds when he shouldn't be thinking of anything at all but himself.

And for the umpteenth time that day, he wishes all those thoughts would just come to a halt and leave him alone.

Carefully, his fingers begin itching on their own and it's not only a second longer when he finds himself pulling his phone out and going back to the last text he had sent to the blond that night.

He comes across a photo of a torn notebook page with his undecipherable writing and nostalgic poetry, and just like that, he remembers Luke, remembers the first ever sentence Michael has written about him ever since he claimed on writing more poems than lyrics and humming lullabies instead of songs. He skims his eyes over the photographed page, heaving out a breath, and picking at his eyes that begin to water.

 _"But you want him so much,_  
_Want so badly to hold him,_  
_And talk to him like you used to before._  
_But the chances of things returning to that_  
_narrowed down,_  
_Therefore you're left with no choice but to frame him,_  
_and hang him in the dark hallway of your museum,_  
_Watch the colours he possesses paint themselves an abstract,_  
_While you fall in love with your art,_  
_Your beautiful, enamouring, Picasso."_

Michael knows that he's absolute shit at writing (calum's told him that a thousand times, so) but if there's one thing he has to be proud of without actually forcing himself to do so, it's going to be the first terribly-constructed poem he had written for Luke.

He doesn't even wonder why he had bothered writing about Picasso and his abstracts and weird-looking art. He just knows that Luke is beyond beautiful and no work of art comes close to him.

Michael looks through the words one more time before he closes the image, and deletes it straight from his camera roll. For a moment, he feels as if all his memories about Luke and his face and his eyes were gone but remembers that there were still dozens of poems snuck into the memos in his homescreen. He wouldn't be able to get rid of them even if he tried.

He makes out a faint tune getting clearer and clearer by second, resembling a guitar being played from afar. Calum walks into the room with an old acoustic guitar and deep lines on his head.

"You're not sleeping."

"I do, I just do it when it's late and everyone's practically dead."

This only makes Calum's forehead lines grow deeper of that was even possible. Michael is hurting and he still has the strength to talk as if he wasn't feeling anything.

Calum sits next to him and positions the guitar in his hands.

"You're going to wake everyone up if you play that thing," Michael points out.

Nonetheless, Calum begins plucking the strings and Michael quickly catches the familiar tune. His eyes fall shut for a moment but he opens them and mutes the stings with his left hand. "Stop."

"Why?"

"Because it hurts."

.

"You really need to teach me something."

Without any hesitation, Michael grabs at the guitar in Luke's hands and tunes the strings a bit more accurately (Luke had started playing just a month ago but claims to be great on tuning the thing).

When he finishes tuning it into standard, absentmindedly, his fingers begin plucking the top string and two strings at the bottom at the same time. Then he plucks all the strings to form the melody and Luke picks up a bit too quickly, grinning at the familiar tune that Michael was letting him hear.

"It's Latch."

Michael nods, looking up from the body of his guitar. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Luke watches over Michael's fingers swiftly moving against the strings and finds himself amused by this. "Will you teach me how?"

Michael drops the guitar and turns to Luke. He doesn't waste a time grabbing it again and picking on the strings as if he knew what he was doing. "Why not?"

"But I doubt I'll get it right away." 

"Learning something takes time, Luke."

"Why don't you play it instead?" Luke suggests, quriking his eyebrow and getting a smile from Michael in return. 

"What will you do then?"

"I'll sing."

.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Calum," Michael reassures, glancing at the younger man and sighing deeply. "Everything sounds like him anyways."

Calum nods, doesn't seem to be sure of what to say. "How long have you two been together?"

"It's been nearly a year since I asked him out," Michael says, pausing to grab the guitar and placing it on his lap. "But since I fell completely for that idiot, it's been a long time."

Calum snorts at that, "yeah, you were pinning so hard back then."

Michael doesn't say anything. His fingers begin plucking the strings and Latch was again bringing him into disoriented (and painful) memories.

.

"Can I kiss you?"

Michael dies a little inside but tries not to let it show. "Where?"

"Oh, you know. Right there."

Michael laughs loudly,  _too_ loudly, and Luke the gigantic goofball has to cover his mouth with his huge-ass hands just so they wouldn't be heard. Accidentally.

"Stop, you'll get us caught!" Luke stresses out.

"I'm sorry,  _where?_ " Michael laughs again.

"Jesus christ," Luke points it out with his finger and prays silently that Michael would just stop. "I said, right there."

"Here?"

"Yeah," Luke says, mustering up a grin. "On your lips."

"Such a flirt."

"So, can I?"

"Not yet."

.

It's not like there's anything Calum could do to help to relieve Michael from the heartbreak he's in, but he's willing to try anything. He grabs the guitar from Michael's hands and pulls him into his chest, soothing whatever was causing turmoils in his head and hoping the night would just stay for a little bit longer.

Michael's eyes don't water, but they do once Calum starts talking to him again.

"Why did he do it?"

He feels a pang in his chest hearing that come from Calum, the realization that it's real and out in the air hitting him quite harder than expected.

"Because he doesn't feel the same way anymore," Michael answers, voice unsure, and he's maybe unsure of himself as well whether he'd be able to handle the pain at all.

Calum listens. He doesn't think he has heard Michael sound this upset in his entire life. "Why? Is there someone else?"

Michael shakes his head.  _Of course not_ , Michael wants to laugh. He doesn't say anything instead.

"No. It's just—" pause. Michael tries swallowing the hesitation. "It's just not the same for him."

"And just like that, it's over?"

"Of course." Michael nods, strangely understanding the sad reality that nothing's really permanent and that you'd either have something and wait for it to be gone or just have nothing at all.

"Mike, I'm sorry."

"Fuck, you need to stop apologizing!" Michael cries, feeling the guards he has put up within himself finally crashing down. Calum holds him closer despite already feeling terrible at the situation. "Don't apologize Calum, please."

"I'm not helping." Calum admits.

"Neither is Luke."

It's a moment before Michael finds the courage to spark up another conversation between them. He feels bad, and horrible, and seeing Calum unable to do anything but frown at him while he cries definitely doesn't help.

"I'm going to be okay," Michael says, more to himself than to Calum, later when he finds himself stable and breathing normally. "I have to be."

.

Michael wakes up to Luke standing in front of his bedroom door in nothing but a pair of sweats and a frown similar to Calum's on his face.

Michael waits for the blond to speak up. He's been left with nothing to speak of since Luke had left him so he won't be able to say anything even if he tried.

"Ashton asked me to talk to you."

"Do you have anything to say?"

Luke nods his head, hand reaching for the doorknob and eyes trained on Michael's. "Yeah."

Michael wants to cry right there in front of Luke, beg for him to stay and hold him and tell him that he just pulled a silly prank and that he still feels the same way about him.

He doesn't.

"Will you be okay?"

Michael doesn't understand where all these questions are coming from. Of course not.

"Of course not," Michael smiles, deciding to be honest with it. He watches Luke's face fall before he continues. "But it's going to be fine. I'll get over these stupid feelings soon, I promise."

"They're not stupid," Luke interjects, frowning at the older boy's words. "I've been the happiest with you."

_But you no longer feel the same now._

"You'll be happier, Luke. And I will be as well."

"No, you won't."

It makes Michael smile just for a split second, despite not having himself believe it. But he does. Luke is just too good for him.

"C'mon Luke, have some faith in me."

.

That night, Michael goes home to his parents. Ashton had driven him with his car and a pair of bags that would suit Michael's two-week stay in Perth. When Karen sees his son hopping off Ashton's car in their driveway, she's more than happy to open the door for him and for the friend he's brought with him.

Ashton's the first one to break the ice for Karen and Daryl, seeing as Michael wouldn't say a word which had left Ashton worrying if Michael would've had ended up not saying anything to his parents at all.

Ashton stays the night, even when Michael turns down his offer and claims to be alright even if he would have to be left alone again.

.

When Michael arrives the airport two weeks later, Luke arms no longer open but instead stick onto his sides where they were supposed to. He's greated with Calum and Ashton's bony hugs, as well as Luke's smile which has never failed to take his breath away.

Luke cooks them dinner when they all arrive home. He never cooks for them, as selfish as it sounds, but Michael learns later on that Luke had served those prawns and pasta as a thank you gift and welcoming dinner for him and not for anyone else.

Michael continues to miss the blond, misses having him close and warm and just right  _there_ when he thinks things would soon fuck up, and when he needs someone who would be willing to worry and take the fall with him.

Nonetheless, Michael and Luke remain friends, best friends, and bandmates. Michael doesn't think he could be any more thankful than this because he's sure nothing would make him happier than just having Luke and the rest of his friends right there.

At night he still thinks of Luke, cries into the sheets soaked and unheard but wakes up in the morning looking forward to the day he'll be okay again.

...

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to let my finally let my feelings out, thus it became really difficult for me to pour out my exact thoughts and feelings into this. I really hope it turned out well. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! :)


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